Alright exercise tape done for today!! I really didn't want to get up and get going with that today but I am glad that I did. It was a great workout and I feel so much better about myself now that I have done it. I plan to get the house cleaned up today!! I started my period this morning so yesterday the cravings became very bad. I did over eat some. I had the big meal at the special restaurant with my parents and then I came home and although I didn't eat supper I did a lot of nibbling which adds up faster than a meal. I had a Bible School meeting last night and it was all that I could do to talk myself out of going to the store and getting some of that pralines fudge. I didn't do it though so I am glad of that.
Why do some people crave food so much more than others? It is like I came out of the womb wanting food. My mother says that I was always a hungry child and I can remember day dreaming about having certain foods and having them in abundance from a very young age. I had a very happy childhood and I didn't go without things I needed at all, so where did these dreams about food come from? It is so bizarre!! I hate feeling that way. I wish that I only thought of food as fuel for my body and not something to be enjoyed and savored. Craved even.
I was not an overweight child. I did not become overweight until after my children were born. But from my mid teens on, I have been unhappy with my body. When I was in high school I fluctuated between 112 and 118 pounds depending on if it was marching season or concert season at school. I guess my eating habits didn't change when I wasn't getting the exercise from marching and I would put on about 5 pounds. Then in college I gained up to about 124 and at 21 years old when I got married I weighed 124 pounds. I maintained that weight until after my first child was born when I was 25 years old. When I weighed 124 I wanted to weigh 110 and there began a series of different diets. I tried the slim fast approach. I tried skipping meals. I tried all kinds of unhealthy things. I didn't gain that much weight when I was pregnant with my son, about 25 pounds but they were very stubborn pounds and I still had every one of them when I got pregnant with my daughter nine months later. I gained about 18 pounds with her and that put me up to about 168. My husband lost his job and we had to move in with my in laws. I think that is when the weight gain began in earnest! It was a slow fade with lots of time of gaining and losing only to gain even more back after I lost it. I could never find a healthy regimen that allowed for the cravings and some indulgences without going overboard and getting completely off the diet. I can down an entire bag of candy around that time of the month or if something really stressful is going on at work or my personal life. I can nibble my way through way to many calories from boredom and then grazing in the kitchen. These are the destructive habits that I have got to stop!!
I really hope that by exploring my feelings and recording my successes here on this blog that I can overcome these destructive habits. I do want to have a healthy body and I do want to feel good.